Well...some of my spare time.

And now, finally, I'm proud to say that I'm...more than halfway done.

Chemistry: A Novel (Textbook) was originally meant to be a single book covering both semesters of General Chemistry, but once the figures were added and the book was formatted to 6 x 9, it ended up being close to 800 pages. So I decide to split it into two volumes, one for each semester, to make it a bit friendlier.

Volume 1 was published last month and finally made it to Amazon last week. At $24.99, it ended up being about where I wanted it to be price-wise, and for the curious, I get about a dollar of that. You can also buy it direct from the publisher at a discount, though it's pretty much a wash since they don't offer free shipping. And I know I'm a penny short from free shipping on Amazon. Sorry.

The first thing you'll notice if you flip through the Amazon preview is that it doesn't look like a traditional textbook. That's part of the "novel" approach I'm trying to take here. I also formatted it to look and feel like a "normal" book, which (hopefully) helps it's readability.

The title actually started out as a joke, but since that's covered in the introduction I won't bother repeating it here. And, yes, all the molecules on the cover are very well known. You win a no-prize if you get them all.

I'm doing the final edits to Volume 2 and hope to have it ready by early fall. After that, I'll try and figure out the logistics of doing the eBook version.

That said, I totally get the stigma associated with two-year schools. Community colleges will literally let anyone in, so long as they either have the money or can qualify for financial aid. Some students are looking for a two-year or technical degree, some are here because they’re trying to make up for some huge mistakes in a past life, and some are here just for kicks.

Basically this, only less photogenic

 Community colleges don’t just train people for technical or blue collar work, though, and they really haven’t in a long, long time. In fact, I’ve spent nearly my entire career teaching the “science majors” general chemistry courses, plus some organic chemistry now and then, courses that are almost exclusively taken by transfer students. A few of them are actual science majors (biology or chemistry), but the bulk of them are hoping to go into some type of medical field (nursing, physical therapy, etc).

Some schools, though, particularly medical and dental schools have a long standing prejudice against community college science classes. I’ve heard—from people that I trust—that UNC’s and Wake Forest’s med schools won’t accept science classes taken at a community colleges. I couldn’t find this at UNC’s web site, but Wake Forest’s clearly states that, “course work from community colleges is strongly discouraged because of the difficulty in adequately assessing the quality of that preparation.”

Excuse me...?

Look, I was a student for ten years at two major universities during the 90’s…

Ahhhhhh…the 90’s!

Sorry, that happens a lot these days...

Anyway, trust me, just because a person is brilliant and does cutting edge research doesn’t mean they can teach worth a damn. The percentage of bad chemistry teachers at four-year schools is at least on par with those at community colleges, especially if you factor in teaching assistants. At a two-year school, the instructor usually does lecture and lab. At a university, labs and recitations are almost always done by a graduate student who’s had zero to little teaching experience. Even back when I was an undergrad during the pre-internet 90’s (yes, I’m old…piss off) it took less than a semester for you to learn which TA’s gave out A’s like candy on Halloween.

And occassionally, my teaching schedule will require some of my labs to be taught by an adjunct, but since lecture and lab are part of a single course they're essentially serving as a teaching assistant for my class. However, they still have to meet the same minimum requirments as any other adjunct we hire (Master's degree with at least 18 graduate hours in the discipline). Basically, this means that the community college I work at has stricter requirements for TA's than UNC's or Wake's chemistry department.

I’m not saying there aren’t some graduate school TA's who actually care if students learned anything, no more than I’m saying there aren’t some university professors who actually enjoy the teaching part of their job. But if medical schools are going to question the quality of educators at two-year schools versus four-year schools, they might want to remember which group actually had to do a teaching demonstration as part of their job interview.

But feel free to forget anything you may find during a Google Search.

And you're proud of it.

And you like to "celebrate" your lady bits every now and then. Sometimes in ways that are silly

And sometimes in ways that are - dare I say - inspiring.

But sometimes...it just comes off as desperate.

(By the way, I saved that last image as "wolf vagina." Google Image should have a field day with that one)

Vice Chancellor of the University of Kick-ass

Dr. Ward & Dr. Treyarch:  They teach the same class, alternating years.  Not only do some people think the class is so good that they take it every year they’re in school, they willingly pay their tuition twice each time (three if they're on the Xbox campus).  While the classes are generally regarded as engaging and entertaining, many will find the group exercises to be a major annoyance, as many of your classmates will harass you with their persistent racism and homophobia. 

Dr. Bungie: Similar to Dr. Ward & Dr. Treyarch’s class, only with more teabagging.

Dr. Belenski: Really likable professor, especially among frat boys.  Just don’t ask him to get too serious.  It can feel a little forced and uncomfortable to the point of embarrassment.

Dr. Yamauchi: Brilliant professor whose Advanced Automotive course is second to none.  Unfortunately, odds are good that he won’t offer another class until after you’ve graduated.

Dr. Mak: A relatively new music teacher.  The only way to get an A in his class is to take his tests over and over (and over) again until you finally pass.  The questions are completely randomized and there’s a strict time limit, so it’s really more about testing your patience as much as anything else.

Dr. Suda: You’ll hear really awesome things about this guy’s courses, but when you finally take one you soon realize that you have no clue what the fuck is actually going on.  His T.A.’s are hot, though, and you can usually pass without breaking too much of a sweat, so you won’t mind too much.

Dr. McMillen: Another new professor.  His classes are incredibly difficult.  You're guaranteed to fail a lot of assignments and you’re going to get so pissed off by semester’s end that you’ll end up breaking every pencil you own.  Yet you'll still find yourself saying it was one of the best classes you’ve ever taken.

Dr. Kojima: An incredibly innovative teacher, but Sweet Jesus does his lectures go on for-ev-er.  What’s more, you’ll eventually begin to wonder if he hasn’t been making things up on the fly the entire semester.

Dr. Zynga: For reasons that are beyond comprehension, he’s an incredibly popular teacher, even though he's spent his entire career plagiarizing other professors.  Seriously, fuck this guy.

Dr. Itagaki: All most people know about him is that he never takes off his sunglasses, he’s very critical of his colleagues, and boy! does he love breasts.

Dr. Newell: One of the best teachers of all time.  Every class he offers is simply amazing.  I’ve even heard that he takes his entire research group to Hawaii every year.  But there’s one course that everyone wants him to teach again and that son of a bitch just refuses to let anyone know when that’s going to happen.

and the other by these guys,

it's a no-brainer which corner you'll find me in.

Either way, Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy is free to think and say whatever he likes.  Seriuosly, there's nothing wrong with using the Bible as a guide for living.  By the way Dan, is that bacon I see on your chicken sandwhich?

I can't remember when or where I saw the following, but I don't think it gets said enough (though I completely understand why it's not).  I'll even put it in gaudy image form for the sake of everyone who loves flooding their Facebook wall with those type of things: