I can't remember when or where I saw the following, but I don't think it gets said enough (though I completely understand why it's not). I'll even put it in gaudy image form for the sake of everyone who loves flooding their Facebook wall with those type of things:
But if I can get one person that's stumbled here to start watching Puddin', then the $15 a month I spend on a Squarespace account will be worth it (at least until this darn chem book finally comes out)
Puddin' is a series of thirty second to one minute videos that are basically the antics of a creepy degenerate (the brilliant Eddie Pepitone) and a guy in the foreground who tries to ignore him as he eats his titular pudding cup. It's weird, off-beat, and often vulgar. Pretty much right up my alley.
It just celebrated it's one-year anniversary and, as I'm writing this, yesterday's video only had about 2,000 hits. Their most viewed video came out 6 months ago and only has about 38,000 views (the fact that it's called "Porn" probably has something to do with that, though). Most currently have between 6,000 and 20,000 hits. In an age where someone's guaranteed a million views for doing nothing but filming their stupid cat, those are numbers that make comedy lovers such as myself want to turn off their computer and commit Japanese ritual suicide.
I don't care if I had a 3 year head start, none of my chemistry videos should have more hits than the combined views of videos guest-starring Patton Oslwalt
and Weird Al
So the next time you're about to click on that video of some cat with a Hilter mustache taking a nap, or a highlight reel of awesome Call of Duty kills, or some douchebag's webcam response to the latest Lil' Wayne video, maybe have a lil' Puddin' instead. You'll be glad you did.
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I almost feel guilty talking about how great this year was, but then I remember that in the late 90’s, when we had a balanced budget and people were getting quick-rich off a pre-bubble internet, I was making less than fifteen grand a year working 50+ hours a week in grad school with a newborn son and a marriage that was showing its first signs of unraveling. I deserved this year, so piss off if you don’t like me saying so. Besides, considering what you probably came here to see, you got no room to talk.
Anyway, here’s what else I thought of 2011…
Protests are the new rallies.
If American politics were a collectable card game, conservatives made some pretty strange plays last year that more or less worked in their favor.
This year, the left countered with an equally bewildering move of their own.
Meanwhile the rest world was showing us as the pussies we really are by getting their voices heard the old fashioned way: with violent riots and bloody regime changes. I could be wrong, but I’m guessing that the head of Merrill Lynch never worried about being dragged into to the streets and beaten to death by Wall Street protesters.
Probably because they were too busy turning Robert's Rules into an interpretive dance.
Here in Chapel Hill, UNC students naturally had to join in by occupying Franklin Street, or at least the corner in front of the courthouse.
For the love of Gaia, will someone pepper spray me before finals week.
Because if anyone’s responsible for our financial troubles it’s those bastards at the Shrunken Head, Pepper’s Pizza, and the Varsity Theater.
A disturbing new trend is emerging on Facebook.
Thing of the year: Spotify
I listen to music a lot. At the office, when I’m writing at home, and when I’m traveling. I’ve been using Spotify since it debuted in the U.S. this past summer and I still can’t believe this thing actually exists. Saying that it’s amazing doesn’t do it justice. I even pay for the premium account so I can use it on my iPhone when I run or I'm driving (also so Spotify doesn’t interrupt my listening of the new Mastodon album with a LMFAO ad).
Critics of the service have been doing a lot of math trying to show that the service doesn’t really treat musicians fairly and doesn't pay them enough. While I can understand why a few mega-stars like Coldplay and Adele wouldn't want to put their new albums on Spotify during the first few weeks - or even months - of release, when has the music industry a) ever treated musicians fairly and b) ever not overvalued their "product?"
Here are a few artists I’ve been listening to on Spotify whose albums I don’t currently own, and the number of times I've presently played one of their tracks (according my Last.fm profile):
and I also listen to a lot of movie and video game scores when I work (and occassionally they make it into my workout playlist):
As much as I love Patton Oswalt, I probably wouldn’t have even known about the album he released this year if it weren’t for Spotify. And odds are I would have never even heard of Solar Fields if it weren't for Spotify's “Related Artists” section. Same goes for Swans, Alana Amram and a bunch of others I didn’t bother mentioning. Sure, these 1000+ plays might represent the equivalent of 10 iTunes downloads, but those 10 downloads were never going to happen in the first place. Now multiply that by about 10 million Spotify accounts.
Gaming industry still can’t remember that the middle of the year exists.
Jesus, guys, would it kill you to put something out in July or August? I’ve never purchased three games in as many weeks before last month, but Best Buy’s “pre-order 5, get $100 back” offer was too good to refuse.
How crazy has the last eight weeks been? Two of my five weren’t Call of Duty or Skyrim. For the curious, it was Uncharted 3, Resistance 3, Battlefield 3, Assassin’s Creed: Revelations (arguably another “3”), and Arkham City. Thank God things are finally calming down. Hopefully I can get around to playing Skyrim and Modern Warfare 3 after the holi-
Son of a bitch!
Here's my personal top 10 for 2011. And remember, I haven’t played MW3 or Skyrim yet (or Gears or War 3; man, there were a lot of 3’s this year).
Single Player/Co-op:
(close 6th: Dead Space 2, but I didn’t like the ending as much as the first one, plus the developers can screw themselves with that Hardcore trophy)
Multiplayer:
Ebert Award (for the game that best shows that games are, indeed, art): Child of Eden.
Guitar Hero Memorial Award (for the game I feel most embarrassed playing by myself late at night): Medieval Moves: Deadmund’s Quest
Zynga Award (for the game I “played” a lot, for reasons I can’t explain): Tiny Tower
Summer Movie Nerdvana
My son and I went to the movies nearly every weekend this summer, and I was surprised that - with one exception - they all ranged from being pretty good to great. Hell, even Transformers wasn't that bad. In May, not only would I have never guessed that Apes and X-men would be my two favorites (in that order), but I’m really looking forward to their sequels.
Dumbest Story (that didn’t involve Charlie Sheen or Fox News):
That Portal 2 adoption story still irritates me on several fronts. As a gamer, as a North Carolinian (the story came out of Charlotte) and a UNC alum (the reporter got her journalism degree there). On the plus side, that little piece was probably the best post I wrote this year (I'm still pretty proud of the "when you step off the cross" line).
In Memoriam:
Only one more year of stupid Mayan jokes.
Thank Hanab Ku.
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No Ted McGinley (ask your parents)
In other words, nothing that every other American TV show has ever done to milk a series to death. Three perfect seasons. No shark jumped.
Ricky Gervais once said that one reason the UK version of The Office only lasted fourteen episodes is that it didn't make sense that a documentary crew would be following those guys around for more than a couple of years. The US version is into its eighth year and just aired it 160th episode.
Family Guy's in it's 10th season. Did anyone see that recent episode that dealt with domestic abuse? The one that opened with Quagmire nearly killing himself from auto-erotic asphyxiation?
So when I hear that a great show about seven people attending community college might be ending after three years - the same time period that the average student spends at a real community college, by the way - I'm actually relieved. Especially when they're already into their third hook up between the main cast (four, if you count Chang and Shirley).
Seriously? It's already our turn?
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I find your lack of faith disturbing
In the two-plus years I’ve had this site I’ve avoided writing anything related to the Bearded One (almost). I wanted to be above that. Plus, being a near-forty community college teacher that still plays video games, I already have a hard enough time getting dates. Then again, it’s not like anyone but my mother and people with an unhealthy obsession over a certain actor are going to read this, so I may as well speak my peace and get it over with.
One of the many reasons I’m grateful for my son is that he's kept me grounded in reality while so many of my generation have spent the past 15-20 years clinging desperately to some nostalgic, idealized version of the 80’s, emphatically denying any notion that what we enjoyed and loved as kids wasn't nearly as commercialized and awful as the stuff kids like today.
...and denying is half the battle
By far, the best/worst example is Star Wars. During Weekend Confirm’s E3 podcast this past summer, the upcoming Star Wars Kinect game came up and someone mentioned that it looked like it was for kids, to which totally rad host Jeff Cannata replied, “that's because the Star Wars franchise is more for kids now…sadly, that’s something we all have to admit.” It’s the now bit that made we want to reach through the internet and smack him wish a 1981 Sears Wish Book. My parents (and I’m assuming Jeff’s) were in their in the 30’s in the early 80’s. Do you think they've ever thought of the Star Wars franchise as "theirs?” Did you see baby boomers flocking to message boards these past few weeks, bitching about the latest changes to their “Holy Trilogy” and accusing George Lucas of rape? Do you think anyone over 60 one-starred the Blu-ray on Amazon.com?
Yeah...you showed 'em.
As for kids today - or ten years ago (like my son), not only could they care less about changes made to the original trilogy, but they actually like the prequels (including Jar Jar). In fact, most kids like them better than the OT. I once knew a couple of six-year-olds that had Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga on Wii and when they wanted to play it, they would ask their mother if they could play “Clone Wars.” When they played the OT levels, they would call Luke "Anakin." Because that's what Star Wars is to them, and there's nothing wrong with that. And before you talk of how sad that is, or cry heresy, look inside yourself. Look deep into those long, forgotten recesses of your soul and remember that one Sunday evening in 1984 when you had their same joy and innocence as you sat on the couch, wearing nothing but your Star Wars underoos, and watched this...
I SAID LOOK AT IT!
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Almost there...
]]>When I complete a level in Ms. Splosion Man, however, I don't feel smart as much as I feel like I just completed the gaming equivalent of a Tough Mudder course.
Twisted Pixel's first XBLA game, The Maw, was basically you taking your one-eyed freak of a pet for a walk as it eats everything and everyone in sight. It was a cute little casual game that had a colorful art style and a silly sense of humor that I can appreciate. It was incredibly easy, though, and I can only imagine the Xbox community told them as much in their typical fashion, with all the tact of the Sargent from Full Metal Jacket. Twisted Pixel seemed to respond in kind
Maw?
because every game they've made since has been about as casual and relaxing as a fraternity haze.
At this point in my life, I usually avoid games that are notoriously punishing. It started with Ninja Gaiden Sigma a few years ago. I'm not saying it was a bad game, but it was a rental and I just wasn't getting into it at the time. But I didn't like quitting games before reaching the end, or knocking the difficulty down to easy (I took it as the game "beating me" instead of the other way around), so I drudged through wave after wave of enemies that respawned every time I doubled back, along with the traditional Japanese bosses that require over 9,000 hits to defeat. When I reached that tower at the end, though...you remember Indiana Jones' reaction when that giant, bald Nazi showed up in Raiders?
It was like that, except I hopped off the plane, flipped him off and walked away (which actually worked out better for everyone in the end).
It's different with Twisted Pixel games, though. That dumb humor that I mentioned earlier is so right up my alley that I can tolerate the emotional beating it keeps dishing out. Ms. Splosion Man literally starts with the developer telling gaming's biggest engine to bring it. Every time I'm ready to tell her to piss off for good, she quotes some Schwarzenegger movie or dances a jig, makes me smile again, and I eventually come crawling back. Basically, Twisted Pixel has become the Ike to my Tina.
Oh come on, baby! You know I was just playin'.
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The Periodic Table: Chemical Symbols
The Periodic Table: Chemistry Trivia
If you're wondering where the lanthanide and actanide series are, I left them out so I wouldn't have to shrink the table as much.
On the surface, they seem pretty simple, and as far as gameplay goes I suppose they are. They're just a couple of versus levels. But that doesn't mean I didn't earn my pay from HASTAC. Here's a peak at what's going on under the hood:
And while you're loading up your LBP queue, make sure you add fellow DML winners Team KAIZEN's Discovery Inc levels.
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