I have a website, so I’m required to do a year-end list. I’m pretty sure that’s what my Squarespace TOS says. Maybe not. I’ve never actually read the thing.
Anyway, here's my own personal look back on 2009, or at least the first eight things I thought of when I sat down to write this.
Republicans lose their minds: When you start drawing Hitler mustaches on a guy because he’d like poor people to have health care, you might be trying a bit too hard. The same goes for slapping the “-gate” label on a state dinner just because a hot blond crashed the party. I mean, if this is what Fox News considers to be Obama's most embarrassing moments of the year, then maybe he derserved that peace prize after all. When Obama actually does make a major mistake (and he will), Glenn Beck’s head will probably explode like that guy from Scanners.
My favorite example of how nuts they've become is the following AP photo from one of the marches against “Obama care." Notice the sign in the lower middle being held by a woman I can only assume is pro-life.
I started this site. I only meant for this place to be a hub for my book and chemistry stuff. I never planned on making it an outlet for some of the bullshit that floods my head on a daily basis (the stuff that doesn't make it here is even worse, trust me). Besides, it's not like I'm the only person without a social life doing something like this. And you're here reading it. What's that say about you?
Everyone and their mothers are now using Facebook. When I started using social sites like MySpace and Facebook a few years ago there was only one other person from my high school class that seemed to use them on a regular basis (whassup Bonz). Now I’m suddenly getting friend requests from people I haven’t thought of in 20 years. I’m not complaining, mind you. It’s actually nice to have people on my friends list that are at least acquaintances, if not actual friends. It’s better than my old MySpace list, which is 99% bands and comedians.
Death: Earlier this year I lost my grandma, the one grandparent I ever really knew. Not too long after her sister died, then the dog I’ve had for 14 years. Plus there was that stretch where all these 80’s era celebrities began to drop like flies. I get it, God, I’m gonna die one day. Thanks for the reminder.
I developed a man-crush on Jason Statham. Before this past summer I’d never seen a single one of his movies. Now I can’t seem to get him out of my Netflix queue. In the past few months I’ve seen him in three Transporters, two Cranks, and no fewer than two Guy Ritchie flicks. He’s also in the first Call of Duty, which I’ve recently played for the first time, but that was just a coincidence. God help me, I might even give Death Race a try, but if I go as far as watching Dungeon Siege I may require an intervention.
I'm not sure what caused this obsession. Maybe it's the accent. Or maybe it's because he gives me hope that when my hairline finally recedes there's still a possibility of me looking good and, if necessary, kicking ass while covered in grease.
Snow is the new water in video games. A few years ago water was what developers used to show off their game engine. Well, that and boob physics. This year snow apparently became the new benchmark because nearly every game I played this year either had a level or DLC with the stuff in it.
I became a disciple of Senor Chang. Community’s Senor Chang (played brilliantly by Ken Jeong, a.k.a the naked Asian guy from The Hangover) has officially replaced Dr. Cox from Scrubs as my hero. He says and does things in a classroom that I can only dream of.
Someone exposed my son to gamma radiation. That’s the only possible explanation for what happened to him this year. He’s still two months from thirteen and his shoe size is now two sizes bigger than mine. Between this and all the dying stuff I mentioned earlier I’m thinking my mid-life crisis might come a few years early.