Current life choices... 

 

 

 

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Monday
Jun302014

Chartin' off - Transformers: Age of Extinction

The thought process that goes into making the pointless decisions for a pointless list (albeit one on a pretty nifty website).

Transformers: Age of Extinction vs...

Walk the Line

Fake robots that are mind-blowingly realistic versus a fake Johnny Cash that is mind-numbingly dull. No EXPLOSIONS or flame-spewing robot dinosaurs in Walk the Line, either. Decision: Transformers

 

Shaolin Soccer

Watch bat-shit scenes like this and try not to wish that Stephen Chow had been given the Transformers franchise. Decision: Shaolin Soccer

 

A Beutiful Mind

Well, these are two very differnt mov-wait, why the fuck did they give the guy that wasn't Mark Wahlberg his own poster? Who walked into a theater, looked at the poster wall and went, "Oh, snap, I didn't know Jack Reynor was in Transformers 4! I gotta see it now!" (of course I had to look up his name). Also, who still says snap? Anyway, both movies are full of shit, but at least T4's honest about it. Decision: Transformers

 

Sunshine

Try as he might, Michael Bay has yet to create an EXPLOSION as bad-ass as the sun. Decision: Sunshine

 

Beverly Hills Cop

80's Eddie Murphy? No contest. Decision: Beverly Hills Cop

 

Rocknrolla

Um...something, something, British something, 300, Bane, Idris Elba...I got nothing. Decision: RocknRolla

 

Burn After Reading

I'm imagining exposition scenes involving J.K. Simmons and David Rasche (yes, had to look his name up, too) explaining what the Transformers were doing in between EXPLOSIONS. Making me giggle quite a bit. Plus, it might've trimmed a half hour off the movie. Decision: Burn After Reading

 

Stand By Me

Oh, what the hell, Flickchart? Honestly, I haven't seen Stand By Me or read the novella in nearly two decades. But since there are no EXPLOSIONS and this is what Corey Feldman has decided to do with his life these days, I probably won't be killing a couple of hours with it anytime soon Decision: Transformers

 

Toys

I actually like Toys. No, really. Also, something, something, Hasbro... Decision: Toys

 

House of Flying Daggers

Haven't seen this one in a while, either, and remember very little of it. I don't recall there being any fire-breathing tyrannosaurus rex robots, though. Thomas  Lennon cameo? No. Kelsey Grammer? Maybe, oh wait, that was a piece of bamboo. Sorry, art house snobs. Decision: Transformers

 

Results

Yeah, that seems about right. For the curious. The first one is #247, Revenge of the Fallen is #611 and Dark of the Moon is #330.

 

Jesus, you actually made it this far. Well, here's my Flickchart page if you're that freakin' bored.

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